I laugh, I cry. There’s clarity, then confusion. With each day that passes I feel like I’m losing.. my girl, my friend... I sense this increasing danger - that in her mind I’m becoming nothing more than a stranger. So much time, so much time up till now I’ve been wasting.. My time doing nothing, a dream I’ve been chasing. I don’t know what’s the reason for I’ve done this before... distractions, when i said I wouldn’t do it any more.
I’ve said that she’s special, and she’s special, it’s true. I just don’t know if she knows what she really wants to do. Now I could be wrong, but I don’t blame her if she doesn’t. She’s young and it’s her life - don’t just live it, but love it. In my life, a strong point has become to think for yourself. What will you do with the cards that you're dealt? Mistake after mistake, I’m far from perfect. But the most important question, ask yourself: is it worth it?
Many times I’ve been wrong, like I said I don’t deny it… But how would I know that if I never tried it? I would rather be wrong than be told what to do - fuck living a lie, the things I’d never have knew.
Next question: when I’m wrong, will I do the same thing or change it? I’m tired because lately I’ve been doing the same shit. It’s time to stop dwelling and living with resentment. September 21st (2013) I made a commitment. To take advantage of what I’ve been given, my talents and capabilities. To live, to love and our natural right of liberty. Time after time, the opportunity is there... but I’ve been ignorant and lazy like I don’t even care. But this time is different. This time is a blessing. The next question I ask: why the fuck am i still stressing?
I have to stop. And I’m sorry, I have to stop thinking about you. I love you... but there’s nothing else that I can do. You know what I think is important, you know the things that I believe in. I’ve been trying to understand my problem and I might have just found the reason. It's not all about me, I have to think about others. Like you, my parents, my sister and brothers. My son. I mean, how could I be so selfish as if people owe me? What’s crazy is somebody told me this who doesn’t even know me. It takes nothing from the fact, but talk about Divine Intervention. It just reiterates the importance of contention, pay attention.
This life is a puzzle, I’m trying to put it together. It’s too big to figure out, but I'm getting A LOT better. As much as it hurts, it’s really beautiful too, because times of struggle and pain is when i really come to - acknowledge and understand, hopefully adapt and overcome. We grow and get smarted, but after that we're not done. It’s a continuous cycle, life’s road brings stress, it's a test
Last question: are we different or just the same as the rest?