Self-medicating, self-inflicted pain. Becoming comfortably numb… It’s like living in a Heaven of Hell! Once you reach a point of so much self-doubt, disappointment, anger, shame, grief, regret… It seems like there is absolutely no turning back; to find yourself again.
Like you have escaped and lost all contact and control of reality. An endless black tunnel. Where you barely see a beam of light come in. Am I out reaching for the helping hand to pull you out? Hell, just pull yourself up! To get on the 1st step of some structured concrete foundation.
It seems like you take that step and “BAM” it crumbles… left in pieces. Broken, Shattered, Back Down You Go. How much pain does a person have to deal with or go through? They say God will never give you more than you can handle!? Some say then you would or should turn into the Hulk!
But anger, pain, and loneliness are all you feel! Do you just keep self-medicating? Looking for a way out? Then it’s just a vicious cycle stuck on repeat. Day In and Day Out. Night after Night. Then before you know it, you have become a full-blown addict. Trying to cope and stay numb or from blowing up on everyone around you.
Ever thought all that is only within yourself? “Within myself?” Which, knowing you have created all this pain, destruction, and emotion on your own due to bad choices and decisions. When does it all stop? Does it ever? One cannot live their whole life that way. Knowing that they are supposed to do something, become someone, serve some kinda purpose. Just not sure what, where, and why that is. So, until that beam of light breaks through that tunnel.
Patiently I wait, me, myself and I.